


21 steps of trust

by Schnick



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Borrowers Fusion, Angst with a Happy Ending, Borrower!Jon, G/T, Giant/Tiny, M/M, Sorta slow burn?, the institute doesn't exist/isnt mentioned, there is one single swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:13:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26497696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schnick/pseuds/Schnick
Summary: Borrower AU where Jon keeps running into Martin and slowly learns to trust him.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 32
Kudos: 210





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my two friends Ari and taikeero-lecoredier for beta reading this!

Jon wasn’t sure if he ever planned to be seen or if it were just accidents and bad timing. More than twenty times of bad timing might be a stretch. But the first time was definitely not by his choice.

The door in the wall let out a low groan as he opened it. He had to duck as he went through the four inch tall opening. Jon closed it back up and walked past the toaster it was hidden behind. His eyes went to the window first, coated in raindrops. The rain was getting heavier and the borrower wasn’t fond of the fact. Storms were bad luck.

Jon looked over the huge kitchen. Moonlight shone through the window illuminating the whole room in a cold blue light. The LED lamp in his hand had warmed up a bit and he turned it off. He slung his backpack down from his shoulders and kneeled beside it. Fixating the lamp on the side, he got his hands full with his climbing gear instead, which got a bit tangled in there. His fingers went along the rope as he pulled it out into a ring, until his fingers traced the cool metal of his hook. He mentally went through his borrowing route for tonight again. Maybe he could get a tea bag if he had the chance. With a freshly opened box and the amount that is drunk, the human shouldn’t notice one missing. Suddenly thunder ran out and Jon jumped. His eyes shot to the window with a glare, as if he wanted to scold the weather for scaring him. But it just drummed against the glass pane in response, loud as ever. He shook his head. It startled him and Jon’s heart was pumping hard, so he almost wanted to blame the tremors he felt through his body on the aftershock. 

Almost.

He whipped around and dropped the rope. The dim light of the night illuminated a huge figure, looming above him. Jon started trembling as it felt like the air got sucked out of his lungs. His eyes went wider following the arm until it ended on a hand holding a jar. Jon ran. He tried to at least. He turned around and tripped over his rope. Scrambling to his feet, he didn’t get far until the jar slammed down on top him, making him run into the glass. The awful loud sound of the glass hitting the counter ran out and Jon turned back around in pure horror. A hand was on top of the jar, holding it down.

His breathing got faster even as the hand left the jar for a moment. Jon got to his knees. He knew he couldn’t lift the damn thing, but he had to try. His hands shook too much to get a grip on the edge and he withdrew them when he saw a hand wrap around the glass. Backing off to the part where it wasn’t behind him, his senses all, but overwhelmed, he almost didn’t notice something slid under the lips of the jar. He did when the jar was lifted up and he felt nauseous as he went up with it, feeling something solid under his feet.

The moonlight was as calm and cold as ever, while Jon felt like he would crumble, as he stared at his captor. Another thunder ran out and lightning flashed across the room. Before he could take in any details through the warped glass his world tilted. The human might have said something then, but Jon was too occupied with panic. He was on the side of the jar, then sliding down to the bottom. For a moment he saw down past his feet and onto the floor, far below, and got the terrible thought that he might be dropped, shattering the glass alongside with him. But then the jar was set down on the counter and the light turned on.

His eyes adjusted to the brightness, his head tilted back to watch the human remove a piece of cardboard from the top of the jar and then stare down at him. Blocking out the light, the human towered over him, taking up most of Jon’s vision. His huge terrible eyes stared him down and he could feel the gaze nailing him to the spot. He couldn’t tell whether his legs were frozen solid or about to give out. Either way he kept standing, back pressed to the glass behind him. He had been found and trapped. Like an animal. A bit of loathing crept up beyond his growing terror of what would happen next.

“Woah.”

The human let out a long breath, as if he was the one shaken up. His voice was quiet, for human levels at least. “What are you..”

They stayed like that, staring back at each other. One with fear, the other with interest. Jon couldn’t properly watch his pupils through the glass, but it was like he could feel them taking in his whole body. It made him feel even more small and powerless.

“Can you talk?”

Jon’s heart was beating so hard he could feel it in his throat and he wanted nothing more than to be out of sight. His mind was clear enough though, that he decided he should keep his mouth shut. Feeding the curiosity he saw in those giant eyes would just make things worse for him. So, his mouth stayed closed, his back flush with the glass as his chest heaved up and down. Meanwhile the human looked concerned.

“Can you… _talk_?” He repeated the question, really drawing out the last word. Jon felt mocked and would have shot him a glare if he wasn’t scared out of his mind.

“Hm?”

Silence.

“I guess uh- Can you even understand me?”

As much as Jon may _look_ like a scared and trapped animal, he didn’t want to seemingly share the same level of intelligence. So with some hesitation, he nodded.

Much to the borrower’s dismay, his eyes lit up. “Great! Great, good. That’s something. I…”. His lips formed a thin line as his brows furrowed. He looked up for a moment, making Jon only look at the underside of his chin, before the staring resumed.

“Maybe I should take you out of the jar.”

Even though Jon saw it coming he didn’t expect the drop of his heart as a hand reached out to him, into the open mouth of the jar. It was slow, and if Jon wasn’t filled by sheer panic, he may have even described it as careful. But as soon as it touched him on his side he gritted his teeth and started kicking around. His whole body felt more tense than he thought possible, his hands shooting out to push himself away from the touch while one foot landed a solid kick on a finger. He doubted it did anything, but to his surprise it shot back.

“Woah, woah! It’s alright! I’m not going to hurt you.” It sounded sincere enough, but not right now to the borrower. 

Jon’s legs felt weak and he collapsed, sliding down the glass. He might have let out a whimper.

“It’s alright.” The human’s hands were raised, like he was trying to show he held no weapons. It did nothing to soothe Jon who’s eyes darted between the two in panic.

“It’s-…” His eyes squinted and he paused. “ _Can_ I pick you up?”

Jon shook his head so hard and fast it hurt.

“Okay! Okay, sorry.” His hands finally lowered and got out of Jon’s vision. It did little to soothe him, but at least his eyes could fix on the human’s face again. He looked like he was thinking. “Hmm, that might work…”

The borrower flinched when a hand wrapped around the jar. Jon looked around in panic as it slowly started tilting back. He was afraid the jar would be lifted up, but he could get out like this! His eyes locked with the way to his entrance.

As if taken over by instincts, he didn’t even give thought to the idea before he slid down the glass, practically leaped out of the opening. Jon didn’t land on his feet so he had to scramble up on those, before going into a sprint.

“Hey! W-wait!”

His hands shook hard in his panic and he almost couldn’t manage to open the door. By all means he should have already been grabbed with how long it took him, but he did open it and got inside. Once he was far enough away from the human he felt such a huge relief wash over him his legs finally gave out.

  
  


It took a bit before Jon could clearly think again and much more time until he could say he had calmed down. And when he did he noticed his backpack was gone. He put it down before he got spotted. As much as Jon should and wanted to leave, he didn't have a second backpack to carry enough things, nor enough materials to craft one. Plus he was out borrowing new food so what he had at home right now was sparse to call it the least. 

He did push it out as much as he could. Going out and getting seen again, it terrified him. But food ran out and eventually he had to. He mourned the loss of his backpack. His climbing gear was lost also, and sure he had spares, but he was more sad about losing his lamp. A little LED lamp he had gotten some time ago and rewired so he could travel around the dark space between the walls. It was such a lucky find and the borrowing of a lifetime.

So he was very surprised when he left the walls and saw it again. With spare climbing gear on his belt, he had made his way out for more food and there, on the spot where he had his encounter, was his backpack. Cautiously he made his way over to it. It seemed intact and Jon smiled when he saw his lamp and the climbing gear.

He didn’t plan to be meeting the human a second time. Of course he didn’t want to. Though he could have checked twice if he had gone to sleep. The light switch turned on and his eyes readjusted, making contact with the other’s once more. 

They both stood frozen in place. Like last time, Jon’s pulse and breathing picked up.

Jon was the first to move. Painfully slow, with shaking legs, he took steps forward until he could lean down and pick up his bag, keeping his eyes on the human at all times. His mouth was open and it looked like he wanted to say something. But as soon as Jon had it in his arms he made a run for it back home and was gone. 

He hugged it close to his chest when he was in his rooms again, a sense of comfort, when he noticed a weird crackling noise. A piece of paper, slit into the side. He eyed it and took it out.

_Sorry for scaring you._

_I hope you like blueberries._

_-Martin_

It was very neat writing that, to a human’s scale, must have been tiny. Jon scoffed at the first line, almost broke out into laughter. It felt empty, but the second line made him furrow his eyebrows. He opened his backpack to find some tin foil looking back at him, unwrapping it revealed two whole blueberries. Huh. The human, or Martin was his name, must have opened his bag and put them inside. 

Opened his bag? Jon’s breathing hitched and he quickly searched through the rest of his bag, but with a sigh he concluded everything was still there. 

  
  


He ended up not eating the blueberries. It wouldn’t make sense for them to be poisoned and they looked untouched. If Martin wanted Jon dead he could do it a lot quicker and easier than food poisoning. But the longer he thought about it the more unsure he got, so he threw them out. It’s a shame, they did look quite tasty.

The third time Jon got seen he could blame it on the weather. One rain hit after the other ever since his first encounter and Jon’s conspiracy of storms bringing back luck seemed ever confirmed. It was the right season so it wasn’t usual, but Jon still cursed the sky for tormenting him. So even if he packed up all his things to leave, he was stuck in the meantime. So his supplies diminished and going out in the rain with minimal amounts of food would be beyond stupid. 

But so was ending up face to face with a human in a cabinet.

In shock Jon dropped the cracker under his arm and backed off. Either his luck had run dry, he had a death wish, or both for this to keep happening. His breathing picked up like the last time. But his mind felt a bit clearer. So even if he could make a sprint to this door he stood still, only vaguely shifting on the spot. Because the human was a lot closer now and something in his head reminded him that he was in his reach.

“You.. you can take that if you want to! I got more than enough.” Martin let out an awkward chuckle as he pointed at the cracker. Jon made no move to get it.

“Well uh… how are you doing? Or- Oh! Did you like the blueberries? I can give you some more if you wanted.”

Jon didn’t nod or shake his head. If he said yes he might be forced to eat some and if he said no it might make him angry. Martin sighed.

“Not much of a talker, I guess..”

Silence.

Martin’s eyes kept staring at him, but he made no move to grab Jon. He asked a few more questions, some of which Jon answered like if he had made his backpack himself (yes he did). And others he didn't, which Martin would luckily drop when he didn’t answer. Being interrogated wasn’t half as bad as being touched and Jon actually found himself calming down. He was by no means alright and incredibly tense, but the terror was turned down.

The human eventually looked at his phone and his eyebrows shot up.

“Oh okay, I have something I have to do. So I’ll uh..” He reached out for the cabinet door and Jon flinched at the hand’s movement. “You know what, I’ll just leave it open. I’ll- I’ll see you around, little buddy!”

He was clicking something on his phone and left the room.

Jon stood still a bit longer. He didn’t appreciate the nickname, but he was being let go. He grabbed the cracker and went back home.

After dinner Jon fell on his bed, arms behind his head as he stared towards the ceiling. Being in his thirties he has seen enough of humans, though nothing close to the encounters he has had. He has seen them be just as bad as his grandma had taught him. But this one was different. Sort of at least. He did try to pick him up, but after Jon said he couldn’t, had made no move to do so. Jon’s brows furrowed. Wait. Did he actually listen to him?

He thought back to their encounters. He had 3 whole ones and was still alive, not harmed even. Martin was still a human for course, but so far he had been respectful of Jon’s boundaries. He put a hand on the side that Martin had touched. Turned to said side in his bed, his conflicting thoughts continued well into the night.

  
  
  
  


The fourth time it really was Jon’s decision to be seen. 

He still had to leave his home so he was cutting up food and accidentally cut his forearm. Quite bad as well. Bad luck or just clumsiness, he had run out of any disinfectant a while ago and those were one of the harder things to come by. With water he could clean it, but he didn’t want to risk anything. Jon knew the flat well, but had never been able to find any. It was probably hidden somewhere hard to reach for him.

So Jon was putting Martin to the test. It might have been stupid. Jon remembered the first night they met as he wrapped his wound up, including the jar. No it was definitely stupid. He had shown so far to not make another move towards the borrower, but he was still a human, you can’t trust them like that. But if Jon asked him for supplies and he delivered, he might consider it.

He was on a bookshelf this time, looking across the living room. He had felt a bit better in the cabinet last time, where they were more eye to eye. So he waited until Martin entered the room, who apparently was too oblivious to notice him. Jon cleared his throat, but he gave no reaction. He opened his mouth and thought about shouting, but was still unsure about unveiling his ability of speech so instead, he stomped.

Martin jerked up and looked around. His eyes still missed Jon so he stomped again, twice. This time they caught him and a smile formed on his lips.

“Oh hello, it’s you again!” 

He turned and walked towards the bookshelf, keeping a distance Jon was grateful for. But still he immediately regretted his plan. Putting himself willingly in front of the eyes of a human? What was he thinking? He backed off a bit as he felt his heart pick up. Even so, he went here for something, so he lifted his sleeve to reveal the crude cloth wrapped around his arm and simply pointed to it.

Martin’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh god, are you- you’re hurt! Do you need help?”

Jon found his jaw had dropped slightly. He didn’t think he would be as smart to figure it out so quickly. He nodded.

“Okay, Okay I… I’ll get something.” He pointed behind him. “Just stay here.” 

Jon did, questioning his plan again, and Martin came back with a red box, which he opened and rummaged through.

“What are you going to need…” He looked up at Jon. “Is it just a wound? Like nothing's broken?”

He nodded.

“Oh good.. and I am guessing that you can.. do this yourself?”

He nodded again. 

“Okay good, I’ll just give you some stuff then.”

And he did. Alcohol wipes, band aids and a bit of bandage roll Martin cut off for him. Jon flinched and walked backwards when his hand got near him to set the things down on the shelf. Once he was done, and Jon waited a moment longer just to be sure, he gathered them all under his arms and gave Martin a single nod, getting ready to leave.

He shot him a smile. “Hope that will help. I guess I will… see you around?”

Jon looked down and didn’t want to promise anything, but he knew himself that the answer was yes, so he nodded again. Martin’s smile grew bigger and he stood in the same spot, until Jon waved goodbye and disappeared behind the books. It didn’t escape his knowledge that the box laid open on the floor for several days after. 


	2. Chapter 2

The next few times they saw each other were, by all means, pretty okay. After Jon realised he could use the human to his advantage he got a whole lot of supplies.

He also got to try a lot of different food. Not because he asked for them, but they were simply laid out on the counter. Sometimes it was leftovers, sometimes fresh things, but mostly a mix. He didn’t take too much because he wanted some form of independence intact and wasn’t about to abandon his customs. But he couldn’t say no to things from the fridge. So the next few weeks were filled with excuses on why Jon couldn’t leave this home yet and frankly, very nice food.

Martin wasn’t actually home that much so he was getting less and less concerned about getting seen in daylight, exploring the parts of the flat he usually never gets to see. And if Martin did come home early and spotted Jon they just waved before Jon disappeared out of his view.

When they did cross paths, and Jon couldn’t immediately leave, Martin did all of the talking. Asking him questions or telling him about his day. He talked a lot about his job at a library as well as taking care of his mother and Jon listened, finding himself starting to get more and more comfortable. But whenever Martin would put his hands closer to Jon he felt his breathing hitch as he flinched. He wasn’t sure if Martin ever noticed.

Jon spent a lot of time looking at Martin’s hands when they were in view, so a small prick wound on his finger didn’t escape his notice. Curiously he pointed to it and the human told him he tried to sew a hole in his clothing. That’s when he mentioned the thimble. Martin only had one, that his mother gave him, and he had lost it. He felt quite bad about it. It was an older thing apparently and Jon was trying hard not to show guilt. When he got home he picked it up and it matched the description perfectly. Still a bit shiny, but mostly scratched up with a floral pattern along the opening.

The borrower hadn’t stolen it, it had been under a dresser for a long enough time to get dusty so he thought it was a long forgotten object. It was pretty and useful to hold small objects. Jon shook the few trinkets he had put inside out onto his table.

  
  


He wasn’t sure what he would gain by giving it back, but whenever he looked at it now he made him feel guilty. So when he goes out to meet Martin for the ninth time he takes it with him.

Jon was on the bookshelf again, holding out the thimble between his hands and watched Martin’s eyes lit up.

“Oh! That’s the one I was talking about!” A smile spread across his lips. “Did you just happen to find it?”

He nodded. It was mostly the truth.

“And I can have it back?”

Jon nodded again, but hugged it close to himself with a sharp inhale as he saw Martin’s hand rest against the edge of the shelf. He was going to get close to it, whether he moved closer himself or the hand did. Either way it was out of his comfort zone. Martin made no move so Jon wanted to be the first to and so… Jon closed his eyes and stretched his arms out, holding the thimble as far away from him as he could. His head turned away for good measure.

“Oh I.. okay.”

He couldn’t see what happened, but he felt a tug on the thimble and as it left his grip he wanted to smile for how stupidly brave he was being. Then something warm brushed his hand.

Martin gasped. “Sorry! Sorry!”

His hands jerked back and when he opened his eyes again the hand was away from him, thimble between two of its fingers. 

“Sorry I didn’t mean to- I… Thank you, for giving it back.”

Jon nodded once, as if to say you’re welcome and looked behind him, at his escape route. Looking at Martin proved too difficult suddenly so he walked towards it without a proper goodbye. If Martin wanted to say anything, he didn’t. Away from the human’s gaze Jon put his head against the wall with a groan. He could have put the damn thing down. 

The tingling feel of touch in his hand didn’t leave for quite a while.

  
  
  
  


The tenth time went a lot worse. After accidentally making physical contact Jon needed a bit of time before he wanted to have those huge eyes on him again. So for a while everything was a bit like before they met. Martin wouldn’t see Jon as he borrowed in the dead of night and Jon would spend his time working on his home. 

Only that Martin kept putting out food for him. Jon was afraid he would slip into a way of getting too comfortable. But the image of him being fed by a human, like a domesticated pet, made him ignore the prepared things and still get some food the old fashioned way. Martin probably didn’t mean it like that, but getting things done on your own still felt nice. Though this day he woke up with a headache, so Jon took advantage of the laid out food and only went out with a smaller bag, not taking need of his climbing gear or lamp. 

It was a stupid idea, but Jon was tired and craving something fresh so in the moonlight he left the walls. He certainly got a kick that woke him up when he walked past the sink and suddenly slipped on the floor. Jon fell down and hit the side of the sink and then suddenly fell down even more. With a dull thud he landed on the metal. Martin had done the dishes apparently, or at least it would explain the wet patch that made him slip and why his side was now damp.

Groaning he sat up and looked around, but there wasn’t much to see in an empty sink. The lights from the street made it visible enough that its walls were as steep as he remembered them. Jon inspected himself, but he came away luckily without any lasting damage.

It wasn’t long until Jon realised his only way of getting out would be through Martin. He wasn’t sure how to feel about that, but he was fast asleep right now anyway. So he had to wait.

He paced around and hummed songs to pass the time. Trying to jump high enough to catch the edge only only gave him a hurt knee and when he remembered why he came out here his stomach gave him a growl. Sliding down on a wall with a sigh and looking up he felt helpless. Much more so when his only hope of getting out of here was a human. Though he was starting to warm up to Martin he still had the fear that he would drop his nice act sometimes and make Jon do what he wanted. His feelings on the matter of Martin were still conflicting.

Jon laid down with his empty bag under his head. He might have caught a bit of sleep, but he woke up several times to the moon still out and joints aching on the hard surface. Jon felt some sort of relief when the glow of the sunrise hit the kitchen, but was almost ashamed of the heavy stone that fell off his heart when he heard footsteps.

By then he had already decided the best way to call attention to him would be dropping the silent act and screaming. He inhaled.

_ “Martin!!” _

The footsteps stopped for a moment. Then they went the opposite direction. Damn that idiot! Panic rose up in his chest so he screamed again.

“Martin! In the sink!”

Now they got towards him and when Martin came into view, looming over him, Jon had to admit he felt relief. Martin had clearly just woken with how he rubbed his eyes behind his glasses, his hair being a mess and taking a good moment to process everything. He blinked, his mouth open.

“You… can talk.” His voice was quiet and low. It wasn't really a question, more a statement, but Jon nodded in response anyway.

“Y-yes.”

Martin paused. “Okay…” There was a long exhale as he looked around and the longer the silence went on the more worried Jon became that Martin was mad. He instinctively took steps backwards, but stopped when he looked down at him again with a perplexed expression.

“And what are you doing in my sink?”

“I uh.. I fell in.” Jon admitted.

At that Martin must have woken up because his eyes went wide.

“Oh- Oh god, are you- are you okay? Are you hurt? Should I get the-”

“No, No! I’m alright! I.. I’ve had worse and- No, I’m alright.” Both parties stayed silent after Martin gave him a nod. Jon felt a bit weird when he realised this might have been his first proper conversation in years. He felt even more weird when he realised this was more awkward than scary. He cleared his throat.

“I could uh.. use some help though, for getting out of here.”

“Oh sure, of course! Do I… How should I pick you up then?” 

At the mention Jon’s eyes went wide and he stammered, hands thrown up. “I-I-I would prefer you not to, p-please.”

“Alright, that’s okay! That  _ will _ make it a bit harder though, but I’m sure we can find… something..” His eyes looked around the kitchen to things Jon couldn’t see. 

“Oh! This?..” His arm reached out to something. When it came into view he was holding a spatula in one hand and showed it to Jon to see what he thought. “That might be the most elegant solution I have, if you don’t want my hand.”

Jon weighed his options. “I suppose I’ll take the spatula, but how…”

Martin put the end of it on the sink’s floor and Jon’s eyes wandered from the flat surface, to the handle, to his hand and his face. “Like this?” 

“That should work.” His bag was picked up and flung over Jon’s shoulder. Getting on a kitchen tool might have been a clumsy solution, but he was very grateful that Martin somehow respected his distaste for being picked up. His steps were still cautious. Jon didn't care to redo his fall into the sink, so he sat down, holding onto the handle. He tensed up, ready to feel the movement, but nothing happened so he looked up at Martin. 

“I uh.. I’m ready.”

Jon took a shaky breath as he started moving up. The movement was slow and careful, but when he looked along the handle and remembered he was still at the mercy of this giant hand, he gulped down some fear. The spatula was a bit unsteady and the borrower found himself holding onto harder. It was over far quicker than he expected and Jon stumbled off the tool fast. Parts unsure what to do with his hands, part trying to keep calm he gripped the strap of his bag. He took a few steps back and stared at the human looming over him.

“Uhm.. th-thank you, Martin.”

“Oh you’re welcome, uh…Well,” He began. “since you can and are talking now, do you want to tell me your name?” He put the spatula down.

“Jonathan- uh Jon. Just Jon is fine.”

His eyes lit up and he smiled. “Alright, then you’re welcome, Jon.”

A feeling hit him at hearing his name. It has been a long time since he was addressed and never by a human. He guessed being acknowledged like that stirred a new kind of anxiety up. Jon looked down, thinking, but was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard Martin yawn.

“I think I’m going to make breakfast now. You can stay if you would like some as well.” He opened the fridge. “Do you like eggs?”

Jon was hungry, but he felt too anxious to eat now and also really wanted some alone time. “I uh, think I… I think I would rather lie down. Get some proper rest.”

Martin’s tone was casual. He had been talking to Jon for a while now, but this was the first time for Jon, nodding not counted. Part of him found it almost surreal that he was responding as if just talking to a friend.

“Alright, fair enough.” He took two eggs out of the fridge. “I guess I’ll see you around then.”

“Suppose so.” His voice was quieter and he nodded, part out of routine, part to make sure Martin understood him. Jon made his way over to his nearest door, glancing back to see Martin ready a pan. 

“Bye Jon!” He gave him a warm smile.

And to Jon’s surprise he smiled back as he waved. When he closed the door behind him he let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding.

  
  
  
  


Jon spent some time alone after the last meeting, more grateful for his soft bed than ever, and thinking about the encounter. Martin didn’t seem mad that he kept silent and didn’t say anything so he probably wasn’t. But Jon’s anxieties didn’t leave it alone just yet. As he stared into space Jon’s hand ghosted over where he had been touched the very first time they met and thought back to being lifted up. It reminded him when he got lifted inside the jar, but it felt different. If asked, Jon would not have been able to tell why.

Martin was sitting at his desk, arms crossed behind his head as he leaned back in his chair. He hasn’t noticed him yet and as Jon stood by a table leg at the wall, he thought his plan over. The last time they saw each other, after the sink, they both kept a fair distance and had a short conversation. But deliberately getting closer and talking to a human? Has he gone mad?

Apparently so as for their twelfth meeting he swung his hook until it burrowed into the wooden surface of the table. Jon gave it the usual safety tug and started up the climb. As his fingers gripped the edge and he peered over it Martin was already looking at him.

“Uhm..” Jon hoisted himself up so he could sit on the surface and took some deep breaths to make up for the climb. “Hello.”

Martin sat there, mouth hung open. “Hey. Did…” He looked to the floor, then back at Jon. “Did you just climb up all the way here?”

“Yes?” How else would he have gotten up?

“Wow..”

Martin did look impressed for whatever reason, it seemed mundane enough for Jon. Their conversation was a bit awkward, but nice, about boring topics. Jon was sitting against the wall, close to his hook that he left on the table. He wasn’t actually feeling scared, but it still made him feel more relaxed to have an escape route nearby, just in case. Martin was nice as always about his boundaries. He kept his distance, even actually moving further away, and seemed to enjoy their talking as well.

When Jon asked what he was writing down it sparked a whole explanation from Martin’s part about poetry. Jon wasn’t sure if he understood it. To derail the conversation he pointed at something on the desk.

“Oh those?” He picked up a pair of jeans. “Remember when I said I needed to fix a hole?” He held them up, putting one hand inside so he could shove his fingers through the hole in a demonstration. “I tried to sew them up, but I guess my stitches are bad and they just ripped open again.” 

Jon, who’s weight a tread could hold, was impressed.

Martin added. “I don’t really know how to sew, I’ve been too lazy to look it up.” He set the pants back down.

“You don’t know how to… sew?” Jon sounded almost surprised.

“Yea, not really… only kind of. Mom never got around to teaching me properly and I feel.. a bit too old to ask her now.”

Jon thought for a moment. “I could teach you.”

“Oh no, you really don’t have to, I can just search for tutorials online.”

“No, no. I insist.” Jon stood up. “Sewing is a very important skill to know.”

“Are you sure?…” The borrower nodded in response. 

Jon cracked his fingers, feeling a bit excited to share knowledge. Having something to do might also make the conversation either a bit less anxious or awkward, whatever the anxiety in his stomach was about. “For demonstration purposes I will need some fabric, a needle and thread, please.”

Martin nodded and got his sewing kit. Jon ended up having to use a tissue instead of fabric, but it worked well enough. He was also proud of himself for only flinching a bit when a hand came near him. Martin’s stitches were more clumsy than his, either due to his lack of skill, the size of his fingers or both. But Jon thought that they ended up looking well enough for his first attempt. He also had to smile when he saw the thimble on his finger.

“And then you  _ pull _ .” Jon gripped the thread and with a ‘hmph!’ and some effort pulled it through his stitches. When he looked over at Martin, replicating it with only two fingers he was reminded of a human’s strength, compared to his, and found himself impressed once more. Hm.

“Oh wow!” He lifted the pants to examine them. “You don’t even see the stitches!”

Jon wanted to roll his eyes “That’s the point.”

“Thanks, Jon.”

As Jon smiled he realised just how calmed down he has. 

  
  
  
  


The fifteenth encounter wasn’t planned. Jon just wanted to get some food, but he didn’t bother checking if Martin was there. So they saw each other in the kitchen and got into a conversation. With Jon sat down and Martin leaning on the counter. The soft fall of rain had turned into another storm and when thunder ran out and Jon was staring up at Martin he felt a very deliberate déjà-vu. It was different though, Jon only felt unease from the rain this time.

“Bloody pouring down again, huh?” Martin turned his head to the window.

Jon had his sweater sleeves rolled up and pulled them down. “I don’t like them. I frankly think storms bring back luck.”

“Really?” 

Jon said it on a light hearted note and was perplexed when Martin frowned and got quiet. “Oh… Is it because..”

His eyes looked full of sorrow and Jon’s mouth fell open when he realised what he meant. Jon wasn’t going to pretend being trapped in a jar wasn’t terrifying. But with the many times he’s talked to Martin afterwards he was getting much closer and getting to know him, not just for a human, but a friend. Calling a human a friend? Maybe his growing age was getting to him or maybe he had lost it in isolation. But with how he had been respecting his boundaries ever since, Jon didn’t feel scared anymore. And he couldn’t see Martin repeating that.

Jon may have had to change his superstitions because if it weren’t for the ‘bad luck’ he would never sit here, talking to a human, and enjoying it. For the most part at least. Seeing Martin look at him like that hurt and made his chest feel tight. The silence waited on, with Jon thinking and not sure what to say.

“No, it’s.. A-an example of bad luck  _ maybe _ , but.. no, not the reason. You’re not the reason, Martin.”

The hurt in his expression only lessened a bit before he broke eye contact, both parties now looking elsewhere. Martin bit his lip as the silence continued.

“We could talk about it if you need?” Martin suggested.

“No I’m, I’m okay.” Jon found himself fidgeting with the sleeve of his sweater. He looked at the window.

“Alright.”

Thunder ran out this time before any silence could grow, startling both Jon and Martin. The both looked at each other and Jon smiled first, then chuckled and Martin joined him. He let out a sigh and pushed himself off of the counter.

“I don’t know if it’s a good suggestion, but I was going to watch a movie and you could join me if you wanted? It might drown out the noise of the rain.”

“You know what… Yes, I think I would like to.” Martin’s smile went bigger and he stood on the spot and watched as Jon got ready to climb. “Oh no, you can go on ahead, I’ll meet you on the couch.” 

It took a bit until Jon pulled himself up on the soft material of the sofa’s arm. Martin had waited patiently for him on the other side. Jon thought about how much easier climbing could be if he was picked up. Hm. He wrote those down as thoughts for another day. Returning to the present, he calmed his breathing from the exercise and let Martin be the one to pick the film. Nothing of the people or colours he saw on screen meant anything to him, although he kind of understood how human electronics worked. 

The movie was a nice distraction at the end. Jon lost the plot a bit, but didn’t want to ask Martin about it. They talked, both joked about not being able to escape the rain when it rained in the movie as well and when Jon told him he had never seen a movie before today Martin looked very distraught. Jon stood up and cracked his back after it ended, giving his opinions on the film and his goodbyes. He could still hear the rain as he laid in bed, but he felt less tense than on other nights.


	3. Chapter 3

On their nineteenth meeting they had a conversation. Martin made dinner for both of them and Jon found out what paprika tastes like. Afterwards they both stayed seated at the table, Martin in a chair and Jon leaning against a potted plant. Martin ended up with his head resting on his crossed arms as they got talking.

“I don’t know if it’s a rude question, so I’ve kinda been holding off on asking, but.. what exactly are you, Jon? Like a shrunken person, a fairy, or…”

“What, no? No, I’m a borrower.” He said it like it was the most obvious thing.

“A borrower?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Yes. We live in the walls of human homes, live by rules and borrow what we need to survive.”

“What kind of rules?”

He sighed. He remembered the many times his grandmother repeated it to him. “Like only taking what won’t be noticed and not getting seen by humans, or…” He stopped and looked back at Martin, who smirked at him. “I see how I may have failed… some of these..”

Martin chuckled. “You’re not exactly borrowing either, though, are you?”

Jon shifted his legs so they crossed. “Excuse me?”

“Well, if you’re taking things like food I kinda doubt you’re going to give it back.” There was a smugness in his voice

Jon inhaled and shot him a look. “I-I’m- I’ve never taken that much though! And it’s not like you-”

“I’m not accusing you of anything! You can take as much as you need, Jon. I’m just saying that it’s  _ technically _ the wrong word.” Martin was smiling, talking in a lighthearted tone.

“Hm. Suppose so.” Jon crossed his arms and gave him a glare. He couldn’t keep it up though and smiled back.

“So there are more borrowers?”

“Hm?” Not too long ago he would have flinched at this question. His mind would have raced with thoughts of Martin searching for others whose existence he revealed and hurting them. But now it was just a curious question in a friendly conversation. “Yes, I mean obviously. I have family somewhere. But not here, I live alone.”

Martin opened his mouth to say something, but then shook his head.

“Do you still have contact with them? Sorry for just boring you with questions like this. I will stop if-”

“Ah no, it’s fine. I .. I think I like the talking.” Jon sighed. It’s been a  _ long _ time since he actually shared things with someone. ”And.. not really, no. I…” Hm.

He paused.

“Can I share something with you, Martin?”

He nodded on his arms. “Of course.”

Jon sighed. “When I was young, I don’t remember how old I was, my family had to move because the humans we lived at got a dog.” He pulled his legs up to his chest. “Was just me, my parents and grandma at the time. We were forced to leave during a rain storm and… we got separated. My parents from my grandma and me. She took care of me afterwards.”

Jon’s hands fidgeted and he suddenly felt very weird for sharing this story. His chest tightened and he licked his lips. He did see Martin as a friend, but maybe they were not close enough for this kind of heavy thing. He might be too eager to talk to people again.

He added. “She uh.. she died some years ago.”

“Oh, Jon, I’m so sorry.” His voice was soft and sincere. 

“It’s alright, it was peaceful.” Martin gave him the most pitiful look which Jon couldn’t stand so he looked away. “You still have your mother at least.”

He nodded. “I do yeah…”

There was a short uncomfortable silence.

“It’s just sometimes…” He took a deep breath. Jon guessed Martin had something to share in exchange.

“I don’t know. She doesn’t need to thank me for taking care of her of course, but sometimes… I guess I wished she would look a bit grateful?” He groaned and burrowed his face in his arms. “Sounds even  _ more  _ selfish out loud.”

“I think that’s alright to think. Everybody likes to be thanked.”

Martin raised his head to look at him. “Thank you, Jon. And again… deeply sorry for your loss.” 

He nodded at him. Both of them let out a long breath. Before any silence could stretch itself over them again, Martin stood up and took his dish, “Better get this clean, right?” And looked at Jon’s. 

“Oh, yes.” Jon took the small plate Martin got from a doll house set and held it out. Martin stared between him and the plate.

“Do you.. want to put it down?” He asked.

Jon gave him a confused look. “No, you can just take it.”

“Are you sure, because…” He began. “Well you always look very scared when I get near you. And I just don’t…” 

“No. No, it’s fine, you can take it.” He repeated, holding the dish higher.

Martin frowned. “I really don’t… look, I know I scare you, I just don’t want to do it on purpose.”

“Martin…” He lowered the dish. Martin looked hurt. “Well… it’s complicated.” He trusted Martin and maybe if he explained himself he could understand that. “I could explain it.”

“Jon you really don’t…We could go over this another time.” He shifted on the spot.

“No, we are.. clearly having some heart-to-heart here and I can explain it to you.” Martin didn’t look convinced, but Jon was already being open tonight and wanted to share his thoughts. “I  _ want _ to explain it to you.”

He didn’t look like he wanted to hear it and Jon saw the hurt in his eyes. Slowly however Martin put his dish down on the table and kneeled on the floor, putting himself down to Jon’s eye level.

Jon took it as an invitation.

“I…hm.” He sighed and looked down, he wasn’t sure where to begin now. Not looking at Martin helped. His hands gripped each other as he found the words. “I am not scared of you, Martin, or your hands in particular. It’s more.. the general idea of it. The whole concept of a hand, larger than your body that can do whatever its owner wants. It’s…” Jon paused for a moment. He didn’t dare look at him now, sure that his face would be full of worry. The tightness in his chest grew that he tried to stifle by rubbing the back of one hand. 

“Jon, you don’t-”

He interrupted and continued. “My whole life I have been raised by rules, one of which is about how cruel humans are. If they see you, they will grab you, trap you, hurt you and eventually… probably kill you. But I… I have seen you Martin. And you aren’t that.”

“But…” Martin began. “I  _ did _ trap you and I…”

“I-I know Martin, but you have changed.” Martin opened his mouth to say something else, but Jon spoke up before him. “I forgive you.”

“Jon that… that doesn’t make it better that.. that doesn’t excuse anything.” He gently shook his head as he spoke.

“But Martin I forgive you I don’t-”

“Well I don’t forgive myself.” He blurted out.

Jon stopped in surprise. Martin put his head down and was looking on the floor so he couldn’t see his face.

“It is inexcusable so, sorry Jon… I can’t accept yours.”

Jon didn’t get it, he wasn’t searching for excuses, he had forgiven Martin. He trusted him.

“But ever since then you have been respecting my boundaries and-”

“Jon, that’s just being polite.”

Then Martin looked up again and he looked in his eyes, they were full of sorrow. It almost pained Jon as much as he enjoyed the kindness in them. His eyebrows knitted further when he looked away again.

Once more Martin broke the silence by standing to his full height. This time the air itself felt dense. He picked up his plate again, his voice was quiet. “I should get this done.”

“Martin I… I trust that you won’t hurt me. I trust you.”

Martin avoided eye contact and licked his lips before nodding once.

“Thank you I… thanks.” He looked past Jon to his plate, raising his hand just a bit before putting it down. “I’ll just…get that later.” He turned to leave, but stopped for a moment. Whatever he wanted to say, he didn’t, and left the room without another word.

  
  
  


Martin seemed to avoid Jon, being home less, and Jon avoided Martin, staying inside the walls more. He didn’t get it. Jon had forgiven Martin in his actions however much they scared him at one point, why could he not forgive himself? He wanted to talk, but could never think of what to actually say, so he stayed on his own. 

Jon thought he wanted to try being picked up. Maybe to see what it’s like, maybe to overcome his fear, or maybe just to show Martin that he really did trust him. He chuckled to himself. He must have fully lost it,  _ wanting _ to be held. Or maybe he has only now realised, being on his own again like he was before, how lonely he had been.

When their paths met again, for the twentieth time, it almost felt nostalgic. Martin was suddenly in the room and both of them hadn’t planned to see the other. Jon could have checked if he was home alone, but he has stopped doing that a long time ago.

“H-hi.” Jon looked as Martin entered, giving a shy wave.

Martin paused, looking down on Jon who was on the counter. “Hey.” 

There was that awkward silence again. Both avoided each other’s eyes. Jon had his backpack on and put his hands on the straps to keep them busy. He spoke up first.

“How have you been?”

He could see Martin fidget with his hands before putting them in his pockets. “Okay, it’s… yea. And you?”

“Also okay.”

More silence. Jon opened his mouth to speak, but Martin interrupted.

“I’m sorry.” He was looking away.

Jon looked up at him, mouth open. Martin continued.

“I’m sorry, Jon, I shouldn’t have just walked away last time, it was not okay and we…”

“No it’s…  _ I’m  _ sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.” He walked forward a bit.

“Jon, it’s…” Martin paused, thinking. He closed his eyes with a long sigh and then went to sit on the floor, looking at Jon with his big eyes from the same height. “How about I accept your apology if you accept mine?”

Jon couldn’t help, but let his lips form a shy smile. “Deal.” He finally let his hands go from his bag’s straps, they felt a bit sore, not realising his tight they had been holding on. He joined Martin in sitting down as they both got talking again, getting each other up to date on things. It was awkward after their last talk, but they got into the swing of things again. 

“Martin, I was thinking..” Jon started.

“Hm?” While chatting Martin had pulled his legs up and rested his chin on his knees.

“Do you think… you could try picking me up?” 

Martin paused “Jon I’m…” and sat up, lowering his knees slowly, “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” A concerned adored his face.

“Why not?” Jon countered his expression with a confused one.

“Because… I don’t know. You seem like you want to prove something here and I just… I don’t want you to do something you will regret.”

Jon paused. He didn’t know how to explain and felt like he was repeating himself.

“But I… Can you not trust me that I know what I want?”

At that Martin stopped. Something in his eyes softened as he let out a quiet ‚Oh.‘.

“I..” He began, but cut himself off. He shut his mouth and turned his head away. Jon wanted to say something, but decided to keep quiet and let Martin go through his thoughts. Martin ran a hand through his hair and sighed before looking back at Jon.

“Okay. I trust you, Jon.”

Jon wanted to laugh at the absurdity. A human trusting  _ the borrower _ . But he doubted it would be the appropriate time to explain a joke. He couldn’t help smiling though. Martin’s expression hardened though he smiled back.

“But.. not today.” That wasn’t a no.

Jon nodded as his smile grew. “Deal.”

Martin’s face went soft again as the two just looked at each other. Then Jon jumped when he got an idea.

“How about we shake on it, seal it?”

“I… sure, okay.” Jon followed the hand as it rested against the counter edge, Martin got on his knees. He looked between his hand and Jon with a thoughtful hum. “How are we going to do this? We can’t really do a  _ hand _ shake.”

Jon hummed in thought as well, thinking of how he could approach it.

“Oh! How about a fingershake?”

“I suppose that would work, yes.” He started reaching out with his hand when he stopped. Was that a joke?, but shook it from his mind, deciding it wasn’t too important as he stretched his arm.

Martin’s hand moved closer to Jon and he prepared for it to grab his hand, tensing up, but it stopped some distance in front of him. So he had to be the one to clear the distance. Taking a deep breath he walked forward. Jon had wanted this, and he trusts Martin, but getting close to a hand was still tense, at the very least. Before he realised the distance between them was cut and Jon reached his hand out.

It was warm. His hand rested on the fingertip. He let out a long exhale as he let his palm glide over the other’s skin. Jon wasn’t sure what he expected, but it was smoother than he had thought, though he could feel the fingerprint against his own fingertips. His breathing was deep, but steady. And he got so caught up in the moment he almost forgot what he wanted to do. His other hand reached out, taking a hold around the fingernail and he made a mental note of how they were the same size.

Jon paused and chuckled. Because this was absurd. Because he felt brave. Because he was proud of himself. 

Because he felt happy. 

He smiled as he looked back up at Martin. He got so caught up in the moment, he saw the hand as its own being. But when Jon’s eyes traveled up his arm to his shoulders and connected the two it didn’t make him feel scared. It might have even made him feel better. There was this feeling in his stomach again.

Martin meanwhile was still staring at his finger where Jon was holding him and his eyes were full of wonder when they looked over to him. He smiled back. For a moment Jon just felt proud and happy until Martin’s eyes kept glancing between the finger and him.

Right. 

He put his arms into it and he gave the finger one solid shake.

“Now it’s a real deal.” Martin laughed.

“Suppose so.” Jon was still smiling before he realised his hands were still holding onto the finger. “Oh, right.” He let it go, taking a step back and watching the hand disappear under the counter again.

Both of them relaxed, the silence not feeling awkward for the first time.

  
  
  


On their twenty-first meeting Jon got picked up.

“And you’re sure about this, Jon.”

“Yes. I am..” Jon closed his eyes and took a deep breath, spreading his arms out he tried to keep calm though he felt tense. He prepared for the fingers that would touch him, wrap around him. 

Then nothing happened.

“Wait. Jon.. what are you?..”

He opened his eyes not to a hand around him, just a confused looking Martin.

“I thought you were going to…”

“Oh. I mean.. I can pick you up like that if you want? I just thought climbing on my palm might be nicer?” Jon now noticed his hand was on the counter, moved closer, but stopped in front of him, palm facing up. “Going at your own speed, you know?”

“I ah… yes, that does sound nicer.”

Jon shook his head. What made him think Martin would just grab him, of course he would be this thoughtful. 

The fingers on the hand were slightly curled and Jon gave himself a good moment to just look at it. He has never been able to see one up close with all of its details. Although Martin held very still Jon could still see it twitch slightly. He thought touching a finger might be the best start so he walked over to the thumb.

Just like last time, the skin was warm under his touch as he brushed over it. He gave it a pat. Smiling to himself as he felt proud, he looked up at Martin. 

“How.. how did you get the idea of this?” Jon was curious.

“Oh, I just remembered how to carry tarantulas and-”

Jon furrowed his brows. “Tarantulas? What’s that?”

“You don’t know? Pretty big spiders, basically. They come in different shapes and sizes of course, but a lot are palm sized or bigger. They’re hairy, though it’s not technically actual hair…”

He kept staring at Martin, though his smile faded as Martin’s speech fizzled out. Jon blinked as he just found out his worst nightmares are real. His eyes went to the hand when he said ‘palm sized’ and he cursed his imagination as he imagined them. Martin noticed his expression and winced.

“Ruined the moment, didn’t I?”

“No it’s..” Jon took a very long breath willing himself to not think of his nightmares right now. Giving the thumb a small squeeze as if to press the image out of his head. “It’s fine.”

“Sorry..I’ll just let you do your thing.”

“It’s fine.” He repeated, more to himself. He still had his hand on Martin’s thumb and mouthed another ‘It’s fine’ with a pat.

Jon gave himself a moment to calm down before getting back to the task at hand. Slowly he raised one foot and placed it on the hand. He leaned some of his weight onto the thumb and it kept sturdy, so he put most of it there as he tested the surface. It was softer than the fingers, with a lot more give, and he had to admit it felt a bit weird.

He put more weight on his foot until he stood halfway on it. Taking another deep breath he lifted his second foot, putting it next to the first. Holding onto the thumb became awkward so he let go. He kept his arms away from him, as if it would help him balance more, as he took careful steps towards the middle of the palm. It was like his own, slightly caved in, as if it were meant to be a seat. Jon wasn’t looking at Martin, but he could bet was looking intrigued at every step as much as Jon was. 

Once standing at his destination he slowly sank down, his hand went down first for balance, feeling the soft give of the palm with it, until he sat. His legs were crossed and he let out a breath he had been holding in, feeling more relaxed. He didn’t even notice how tense he had been until he felt how much his shoulders sank down. Jon knew Martin wouldn’t move a muscle until Jon told him so he took a short moment to let it sink in where he was sitting. A human’s hand.

Martin’s hand. There was that feeling in his stomach again, but he swallowed it down. Of course he would be a bit anxious.

“I…” He shifted. “I’m ready.” 

The fingers curled inward towards him as he lifted off a bit then stopped. He watched Martin’s free hand grip the counter for him to stand up, looming above Jon before the hand moved higher, faster this time. 

Martin went slow, he knew he did. But as he felt his stomach turn from the elevation, his body wanted to stay down while it was moved high. So very high. It felt like the air rushed past him before he stopped. He had never been afraid of heights, climbing up things, running on high shelves, it had never been a problem. But this was different, being in a hand so far off the ground, though he could trust Martin to not drop him, it was still a bit scary. He took deep breaths.

A second hand joined as Martin turned away from the wall to face the room. The additional hand wrapped around the other, cupping him and almost cutting him off from the view around him. Almost, because Jon was already shifting closer to the edge, not looking down to make him possibly regret his decision, but just around the room. And his jaw fell.

“Are you okay?”

He turned his head to Martin’s face, which was closer than usual, and looked concerned.

“Y-yes, yes. I just…” His direction of view went back to the room. “I’ve never seen a room from this perspective.” He shifted even closer to the edge and held onto the fingers. They curled up more in response.

The first thing Jon thought was that it made sense. He had always wondered why humans would build things so high up and then somehow always managed to reach it. If these cabinets were just around his head then of course you could open them. Jon stared at the room and could note just how unremarkable it was. And for a moment we willed himself to ignore depth and mentally go around it. How fast he would be, all the things he could pick up. But he knew how far away that door was, how high that handle was and that even if he jumped on it it wouldn’t open. It was just a fun little thought that he got a bit lost in.

Jon got brought out of his thoughts when a finger brushed his arm and he flinched.

“Sorry, you didn’t answer so I..”

“Oh, uh, what did you say?”

“I asked if you wanted a room tour?”

Jon’s eyes lit up and he didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

Martin shot him a smile. “But could you scoot to the centre again? Just for my sake?”

He nodded and did so, getting himself comfortable in the palm. As they started moving Jon could feel a gentle sway from side to side. It was a thrilling feeling to be moving so quick, compared to how fast he would be on his own two legs. Martin’s free hand moved away from time to time to open doors and Jon would gasp slightly at each now room he had seen. It was all the same in concept, but being able to see so much of the room at once was still exciting each time. especially getting to see rooms he never took a good look at like the bathroom. 

“What’s behind there?” Jon pointed.

Martin raised an eyebrow. “The shower curtain?”, but moved it away anyway, revealing his bathtub. That made sense.

“Oh. I just never really had a reason to spend much time in here.”

The other nodded in response, pulling the curtain closed again, before looking down at him.

“Jon, I was wondering..”

“Hm?”

“I’m gonna guess you have been around my apartment for a while, but I was curious how long?”

Jon looked away and pondered. “I was already here when you moved in, so with you here.. two years? Give or take.”

“Two years… I never noticed.”

“That…  _ was _ the idea.” Emphasising on the past tense since not getting spotted was gone from his list of priorities.

They ended up on the couch. Martin suggested another movie and Jon nodded in eagerness. Unlike last time where Martin had sat on the other side of the couch, giving Jon more space, he sprawled out in the thing. It must have been on the smaller side of sofas Jon had seen as Martin took up most of the space, resting his feet on the opposite armrest.

“Thank you, Martin. For the tour.”

He turned his head away from the TV to Jon, the position actually made Martin have to look up at Jon on the armrest. He smiled.

“Oh of course, it was nothing.”

Not for Jon it wasn’t.

The movie was more interesting than the last one, though he tuned out a bit in the latter half, still thinking about what it was like being held.

He did so well into the night, pacing around his living room instead of sleeping because he felt too awake. The rush of air, the heat radiating off the skin. It was a lot less scary than it had been in his nightmares, but that might have been entirely because it was Martin holding him, if it had been another human he wasn’t sure if he wouldn’t have shivered in fear.

Despite his energised state he laid down in bed, more so to rest his legs. His hands fidgeted as he went over the events in his head, again and again. He would have to ask Martin to pick him up more. Jon smiled as he thought of him, putting his arms behind his head. If you would have told him just a few months that he would find himself this close to a human Jon would have had the heartiest laugh. 

Now he felt safe around him. But as he thought of him again there was some sickening feeling in his stomach. He knitted his eyebrows. His body must be betraying him because he didn’t feel scared around Martin, not anymore, not even anxious.

Unless..

Jon turned in bed. He thought back to his many encounters and how this feeling was always there when he heard his name or saw him smile or noticed how gentle he was with him and-

Oh.

Jon put his hands on his face as it heated up.

Oh no.

_ “Shit.” _

He had a crush on Martin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on tumblr as gtschnickschnack if you want to talk to me about this fic :)


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